Believe it or not,this is the 3rd time i'm writing a post. Thanks to my err,in Vien's words,'wood' computer that kept on restarting itself every now and then WHEN i am writing a post. Not the greatest come-back, but just bear with it,k? Anyway,it's been kinda long,ain't it? All of you must be wondering did I really let myself slide away just because of the break up? (psst,so pathetic wan meh??) Cheer,cuz of course I didn't. Can you believe how much of a teary,(how come i can't find back the words i used to describe myself before this anymore??)in other words,pathetic ragdoll (it's just a metaphor,btw.I don't think i lost a pound since the breakup.LOL.) a break up can turn you into?But as she sings,it did get 'better with time',much better actually.Long gone are the days where I cry everday after school. What a waste of tears, actually. But nvm, it's from it that I had my lesson.

It's true when they say you learn a bit more about yourself through relationships.and ultimately,from the end of it. I think i haven't done so much of growing up since I was an infant,haha. It made me realize that this is just one hurdle that comes along in life,many more to come. So in the end, I just grit my teeth let it pass. And thank god it passed. For now,I'm just somewhat content. God's been good to me, he gives me what I truly and only need at the moment. The rest, is saved up for later.

So what was I up to besides suffering from Acute Heart-Breaking Syndrome (AHBS)?A rojak of a lil' of this and another bit of that,i guess.

Anyway,to be honest, this is my n-th attempt to finally,actually post this up. Originally i'm really supposed to be updating you guys with a welcome speech (did i include this previously?) and sorts,but tonight,sigh. I think i just broke someone's heart.No,no,not that jerk...but one other certain fellow. For the previous month or so he crossed my path (or shud i say i crossed his?No idea. )Not gonna elaborate,but let's just say all the things he did was always what i had wanted to have a taste of (innocence,my gawd) but somehow,some part of me knew it wasn't right. There are people who are great and treat you well,but only to a certain level like good friends, and somehow you just can't imagine going beyond that. Besides that, the timing isn't all great anyway.

Maybe i did make a mistake before this when he tried to withdraw. I held him back by a sadly,breakable thread and i bet he knew just as well. but still he held on. Freaking abandonment issues,sigh. He says he will respect whatever decision i make, but there he goes asking for a reason. It's not too much that he's asking for, but i just don't know how to give. I just don't want to have to lose him as a friend. But i know i've dragged it for too long. The scale has obviously tilted to one side, and he undeniably deserves an explanation from me, as much as i hate to think about how i may have to get ready on losing a good friend again.  Before this perhaps i told a white lie to keep it going on, but i noe he can't keep chasing me forever.I've got to stop being so selfish. And so i guess it ends tonight.

g'nite as we both let go.

(p.s. :notice the vastly different tone in paragraphs (1,2,3) and (4,5)? Written separately at two different times of a different day and night.)

Currently feeling: cynical