"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. " Author Unknown

"The only thing you will ever accomplish by worrying is to elevate your stress levels." Catherine Pulsifer

"What's the use of worrying? It never was worth while, so pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag, and smile, smile, smile." George Asaf

Smile, smile, smile... *puts on a fake toothy smile*

IT'S NOT WORKING!~! i'm still worrying. maybe that's what i do best. WORRY. Wonder what i'm worry about? What other than the Gizmo Camp due tomoro that we're organizing?

what if the games are terrible? what if no one comes? what if the teacher is dissatisfied? what if the members complain how boring it is? what if the whole thing is a flop? i still dunno how to sing some of the camp songs. i still dunno how to tie the stupid gadgets, how am i going to judge them? i still dunno so many things. what am i going to do? what am i going to do???

argh, tired of worrying too. hungry now. what come will come i guess. hopefully everything'll turn out alright tomoro. *crosses fingers and toes* *figures how i'm going to eat my fried rice with my fingers crossed like that*

Currently feeling: worried

~Smth called beautiful~

Guang Liang & Janice - Tong Mung (cantonese)

Currently listening to: Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses
Currently feeling: working

Ah well... don't think i've ever really dedicated a post to what i'm gonna do for the rest of my life. yupp, my future job, the big 'what do you want to become in the future' question. gosh, and just thinking about it gives me a big headache.

okay, when i was small, my cita-cita (ambitions) i write in my essays are always changing. sometimes it's doctor, sometimes it's teacher (which i swear i'd never ever go into even if i had to spend 20 hours in a stuffy restaurant), sometimes it's gynaecologist (did i get it right?) and got laughed at, and my most recent and most steady one since i was standard 6 was being a veterinarian. yupp, an animal doctor. the reason i wanna be one? well, plainly cuz i love animals, dogs in particular, but i don't mind other animals too (i have 2 dogs/ 1 medium-sized cranky, surviving well without food tortoise/ 2 small-sized terrapins which my dad took the honour of naming them Ah Wu and Ah Kwai/1 very hyperactive and hyperhungry fish and i used to have 4 hamsters too but they've gone to hamster heaven). And the thought of being a veterinarian makes me feel unique enough, because there isn't one friend of mine that i know that wants to become one except me. so just imagine me in my own animal clinic, "Dr Tan, please take a look at my dog! she's having a fever!" "No need to fret, she just needs a jap!". so i've got it figured out, maybe i could go into matriculation for one year, survive and hopefully they'll grant me a course in veterinarian science in Universiti Putra Malaysia which will take 5 years and there i'll learn all about being a good vet, learn how to treat dogs, cats, pigs, chickens, cows and every other animals (maybe a lil' worried on the reptile kinds but i guess i'll figure it out later).

Aah, all sounds too good. but then when i'm 17 now and in Form 5, my family, mum in particular gave me more suggestions and sorta wanted me to forget about being a vet. because no.1, are you sure you can get into matriculation that easily?, no.2, even if you do, are you sure they're gonna give you veterinarian science?,no.3, what are you going to do after the 5-year course? you won't be bonded with the government (unlike doctors or pharmacists),and there's definitely won't be enough money for you to open an animal clinic.

okay, so not tooo good now. so after a while someone came up with a suggestion of being a nurse. hmm.... nurse? never considered it before, and i couldn't picture myself wearing a nurse's uniform. all white, so most probably gonna make me look fat, haha, but that, of course is the least of my concern. being a nurse doesn't sound too bad, all noble and in the medical line, except i dont quite like erm, wiping ppl's asses? lol. but that my mum and sis raised smth against it cuz being a nurse is always the 2nd person, as doctors will always come first. okay, i guess.

Next, my mum suggested about sending me to Russia to study doctoring. (human) doctor? me? really never considered it. but it sounds not bad too, cheap and all. 1 year locally to do a pre-med course and then 6 years in Russia for the real thing. i think mum says it will only cost her around rm 150 000 or smth. what are the pros and cons? pros : it's cheap/ it's good/ it's noble/ it's one great way you can help people/ bonded by government/ good money, i guess. Cons : i'm generally not really a people-person, not to say i don't like people, but generally, i'm more of an inward person and often find myself afraid to communicate with people/ i'm a lil' scared of erm...dead bodies./ a lot of commitment/ sacrificing own time and life (not say to berkorban nyawa lar). but if i'm really in it, i will be IN IT. but my 2nd sis gave me a word of advise, commitment is REALLY important because the medicine field is ever changing. Interest must be there as well. so think abt it properly first.

next option...a rather surprising and abrupt one, i would say. My mum gave me yet another choice...of studying in Tokyo, Japan. WHOAHHHHH. Japan??!! that's just too freaking good to be true! but it's weird. i've heard of people going to japan for holidays, but to study? here's the first time ever. you see, my mum works in a japanese branch-company in prai so she has pretty-much lousy japanese men as bosses and also she had a colleague who actually gave her this suggestion. he did the same thing; did one year of pre-uni course here in malaysia and then flies off to japan for a uni course. it seems that he could easily be my gurantor if i were to really study there. besides that, it seems to be really great cuz according to him, a four-hour each day part time job in japan can earn me about rm 5000 a month. imagine that, RM 5000!! i got really WTF?! when i heard that. it seems so unreal. so rm 5000 each month would probably cover some of my living expenses there or something. i know the living standard is pretty high there, but i dunno why it doesn't seem to have crossed my mum's mind when she told me about this.

so...what do i think about studying in japan? well, truth to be told, i kinda love to be in japan. my trip there last year was totally a bomb and very memorable one and i totally loved it, despite some stupid details. maybe because i'm into anime/manga, but i think that's could be just a contributing factor. i really do like the country, the people, the place, the weather, and also the food (not the chinese food in japan though. and definitely not the japanese instant noodles too, cuz they all have the same 'ajinomoto' taste. if i really do go, please remind me to pack a lifetime of maggi mee there.)hey-but although i like it, please pardon me if i sounded like i wanted to stay there for the rest of my life, cuz i actually don't.no matter what it is, Malaysia is always my home, contrary to many opinions of some people i know who can't wait to get out of this country. i mean, it's not that bad that you'd want to leave it forever right?

okay, strayed off the main topic, oops. So, okay, mum asked the guy, erm, i meant her colleague to find more information for me, especially science courses. okie, that sounds good enough. i really hope that there's a really good science course available and then i'd really consider it.

anyway, i also have paid for the stupid form to enter into matriculation which costed me rm 11 (plus post charges,stamp and everything. damn you, you money-sucking b*tch. does it really cost you so much to post it for us???). and bad news, guess what??that freaking b*tch of a so-called counsellor actually forced everyone from the first 4 form 5 classes to submit forms!! DAMMIT REALLY. the chances for those of us who REALLY REALLY wants to go into matrics will be lowered so much already by the Jit Sin students and now we have to compete with our own school-mates which a large portion might not even want the damn place?? what about those of us who really wants to go there?? what if the ones who wanted didn't get it, but the ones who didn't wanted it, got it?! i'm really gonna ask someone to **** that *****! (~i'm so vulgar tonite. plz forgive me). but anyway, my dad says it's really not that easy to enter matrics. so whatever it is, it's fate. argh, darn. i hate it. *your destiny has already been foredained* GAH.

but it's still too vague and unclear to decide on anything right? *sigh* whatever comes, comes, i guess. gosh, my shoulders are aching. okaaaay, gotta go for now.

Currently feeling: thoughtful

Everyone... please say hello to meeko!

Yupp, this is Meeko! We puppy-sitted her for about 3 days cuz her dad and mum (me dad's pals) went for their daughter's (real kid) convocation.

She's really quite a darling little dog, really adorable, but a lil' too pampered, all thanks to her parents (especially her 'mummy'). Haiyo, you cannot imagne how much 'swt i 'swt-ed when my dad asked me to read the TWO-paged (back and front; A4 paper) letter of instructions her mummy specially wrote to us on how to take care of her 'baby meeko'.

One of the worst lines were : " Please remind meeko before she goes to bed. "Meeko friend friend, go oi oi (sleep sleep). Mummy go KL dee, not coming back yet. Meeko sayang, friend friend. Go oi oi." Major 'SWT. Sigh... this is why we should not be too obsessed with our pets, or in any case, anything at all. but one thing that really turned us off was the fact that she wrote "Please keep Bubbly at bay!". Mailehhh, what you think my dog is hah?? Hooligan ar? Bubbly couldn't care less, truth to be told.

As long as i get to sleep on this chair, i'm fine with anything.

Let's waste time... chasing cars...zzz

p.s. : Jolie's not here cuz she went to her dad's house while meeko is over here.

But despite that, Meeko herself is actually a really sweet and obedient lil' dog. She's so likeable that now she's gone home, we're starting to miss her.

BOW YOU MINIONS!

Okie, maybe we'll see her again some time soon.

divine_reverie : this is actually a belated post cuz of stupid photobucket.

Currently feeling: blank

NOT WHAT YOUR DIRTY MIND MIGHT THINK. heh.

This is my first time..... getting... DRUNK.

I was out with my family for a dinner at Salsa's in Penang and then my eldest sis suggested that she'd treat us to a bottle of Chordannay, or CHOR-DA-NEY. So well i thought, heh, maybe i should test my alcohol-tolerance with this, perhaps i'm good at drinking.

THIS IS PROVEN TO BE VERY WRONG AFTERWARDS.

After half a glass of it, my head started getting woozy. Even before my main dish came. And i thought, cheh, this couldn't be it. Next i could feel and hear my own heartbeat or i'm having pulpitation already. Gosh, am i really drunk?? then my sisters told me, "Oi, your face red already!" "HUH?! YAKAH?!" Then i went to the loo and OMG. MY WHOLE FACE WAS RED except my nose. even my NECK.

Sigh, i failed myself. my alcohol-tolerance will not be as high as i thought it'd be. Cheh, what an disappointment. after that, my dad just had to drive us to Gurney Plaza sumore to get his DVDs while i was already like a walking-dragging sack of rice.after that i snoozed in the car until i got home and continue to snooze until the next morning 9.00 a.m.

This is what i looked like after finishing the whole glass of that.

GET ALCOHOL AWAY FROM ME.

Divine_reverie : too bad my hp camera couldn't pick up how really really red i was.

Currently feeling: silly

Okie... was at Borders at Queensbay Mall today. A book totally caught my eye and i just had to do smth i've never done before...

TAKE A PICTURE OF IT IN SECRET AWAYYYY FROM ALL BORDERS' WORKERS.

Why on earth would I wanna do it?? OKay,okay.... what caught my eye was the cover of the book! It's totally (well, more or less) what i had in mind when i first came up with the idea of what to be the cover of my school's magazine. I wanted it to be like this, but only the hand should be holding a small lump of soil with a marguerite flower growing out from it (a daisy, if marguerite is too small, marguerite, ahem, btw is my the representative flower of my school because of its name, St. Marguerite's Convent). I dunno, but i kinda like my idea. heehee. but it all depends on other people too, but it's a suggestion. ^^;;

Currently feeling: thoughtful

Look what happened to Jolie after a visit to the grooming centre.

Currently feeling: surprised